Just read ur blog

After reading ur blog, suddenly there are so many thoughts that are running through my mind...

Ur rite. sometimes i feel that im like the actress in there, treating the guys aft my ex horribly. perhaps like wat u said, i was tryin to mould someone else like my ex... or mayb im just venting all my frustrations on guys like u... who used to be so patient wif me... who used to just give in to me no matter how horrible i was...

I do feel guilty. And that's when i said sorry. Mayb i shouldnt just force things the way i want them to be. Mayb i should just give u sometime to simmer down and get ur thoughts sorted out. I admit i was in the wrong, alwiz bullying u. But, right now, i only love u alone. I've finally done that... To only missing you and thinking of you for the whole day... only you... yet when i finally made it, you've already left me... That's why i felt so much pain when u said those things to me last nite... I nv know what u said can affect me so so so much. Guess it's because u mean something to me. I remembered u said "you'll only get affected and upset over wat the person said when the person mean something to you..." And when i felt the aches, i know you no longer mean something to me. U mean the world to me~

I know and do agree with the nick on ur msn. "Sometimes the best way to lose someone is to grab hard and not know when to let go". I totally agree with that. But at the same time, when i know your referring to me, i cant help but feel hurt again. Every word u said simply pricked my heart real deep and hard that i can feel my heart bleeding... yes, tt's how painful it is...

I no longer am forcing myself to put my past behind because i've totally let go. I want to give my whole heart to you. You said u dont want shared love, and now im all so ready to devote all the love to u. But guess wat? "We're no longer together now..." was wat u said... can u please, try to imagine how heart-wrecking it is?

I admit im afraid of losing you. Afraid of letting u go. But now i can no longer hold on to u... coz ur no longer mine... All i can do is simply wait... While waiting, i just feel so much emptiness and loneliness around me... My life no longer contains ur unique laughters, ur smile, and u trying to hug me while calling me "baby"...

Im learning to control my emotions and temper. i really am. just that i hate it when u dont seem to care about anythin. i simply hate it when u hang up my call in the middle of conversations and refused to pick up despite me tryin so hard to reach you. hate it when i walked in the rain all the way from orchard to dhouby ghaut just hopin to see u and u refused to show urself. i hope u can start putting ur shoes into mine. wat if it's u? wont u get worked up and agitated and worried and disappointed? i do...

I am ready to shower u with all the love i have... Though it still hurts alot now... but i will still live up to my promises made to u... u can hav the space and freedom u wan now... but please dont keep me waiting for too long... and if u've come to a decision, tell me. dont let me wait like an idiot when u've oredi decided not to continue this relationship wif me anymore ya?

Meantime, do take care of urself.

Your still my dear...